Everyone is talking about it: The Royal Wedding. In fact, as I write this I’m sitting in front of the TV ingesting a steady diet of Royal Wedding programming on TLC. I am a fan of the Royals, and have even made an appointment with my TV for the wee hours of Friday morning to watch the momentous event. Oh, and just in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m writing this with a British accent.
Everywhere you look everyone wants a piece, or rather wants to sell you a piece, of this event. There’s the replica engagement ring “layered in sterling silver with oval faceted faux Ceylon Sapphire”. It’s an “over $100 value” that includes a certificate of authenticity and “decorative velveteen box”, and it can be yours for just $19.90! The Royal Canadian Mint has a selection of coins on offer to mark the occasion. Also, spotted in Chapters bookstore, The Royal Wedding for Dummies. Even I am gob smacked (my new-found accent makes me throw words like this about) by the multitudes or memorabilia on offer. That being said, nothing has amused me more than the offerings of the media.
Every media outlet is trekking to England to cover this event, and everyone has appointed “an expert” just for the occasion. The American entertainment outlets are boasting Brit Celebs as their Special Correspondents for the Royal Wedding: Entertainment Tonight – Jane Seymour, and The Insider – Sharon Osbourne. Clearly, these appointments have been based on the assumption that being both British and a celebrity automatically makes one an expert on the Royals.
Now, let’s have a quick look at these “experts”. Jane Seymour, aside from choosing a professional name of royal lineage (you didn’t actually think that was her real name did you?) does have an air of sophistication about her. Her IMDB page also boasts her being “awarded the OBE (Officer of the Order of British Empire) in 1999 … for her services to drama”. Let’s face it, though, we probably know her best from the TV show I like to call “The Little House on the Prairie of the Medical World”, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. I keep wondering if she’ll wear that wide-brimmed leather hat to the wedding.
Sharon Osbourne’s credentials, on the other hand, are even less are regal. If I recall correctly, her only contact with the Royals was a brief introduction to Diana at a private party … or getting her hair cut at the same salon. I can’t quite remember. With no royal awards or appointments to her credit, I will say this about Sharon Osbourne. She does deserve a medal for propping up that jumble of a husband, Ozzy, for all these years.
CTV has also jumped on the bandwagon with their own Brit celebrity correspondent: Tracey Ullman. Call me biased, but I’m willing to let CTV off the hook for this one. My reasoning is this: As members of the Commonwealth, Canadians have a natural affinity for all things British. With our renowned national sense of humour, we also don’t take ourselves as seriously as Americans. Add to that, Tracey Ullman is one my favourite comediennes, and I think CTV may just have hit on the most brilliant offering for Royal Wedding viewing. I simply cannot wait for her to turn to Lloyd and Lisa at the end of the show and yell, “GO HOME!” as she did at the end of every episode of the Tracey Ullman show.
Keeping this in mind, I’ve decided that I, too, shall appoint my own personal expert for the occasion. It’s official. I’ve decided that my assistant, Tim (who is a both Brit AND the same age as Prince William) will be appointed as MY Special Correspondent for the Royal Wedding … minus, of course, the TV appearances and trip home.
About Noelle Jenkinson
- Photo by Pierre Gautreau
Despite being a long time fan of the Royals, and holding dual British and Canadian Citizenship, Noelle’s lack of celebrity disqualifies her as a “Royal Wedding Expert”. In full awareness of this we have decided to throw caution to the wind and let her have a go at it anyway.
We expect Noelle, her trusty companion Gracie The Wonder Dog by her side, will be perched on her sofa in the wee hours of the morning on Friday April 29th with either a cup of tea or, dare we suggest it, a G&T in hand, faithfully watching the event unfold and thoroughly enjoying the show…unless someone dares to talk during the commercials. Then it might get ugly.
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